Say WHAT?! #5: “Wisdom for Mothers”

“You can’t get there from here” (see April 12 post) could (should?) be the subtitle of a popular “Bible study” from MotherWise Ministries of Houston, TX.

Wisdom for Mothers is the first Bible study/workbook published by Kardo International Ministries under the MotherWise logo. Authored by MotherWise founder Denise Glenn, Wisdom is “A ten-week study to help you find Biblical answers to your important questions about marriage, your children, your work and ministry.” In the MotherWise program, “a group meets for two hours once a week for 10 weeks. The meetings (typically) consist of three 40-minute segments” (p. 9): Bible Study, Prayer, and Mothering Skills.

Moms Only

As the title suggests, Wisdom for Mothers is not a “women’s” Bible study. It focuses on mothers and is perhaps an overly ambitious project in this regard.  Readers may feel as if Glenn throws every Sunday school lecture, book, Bible class, study or sermon she’s ever heard on “mothering” into a blender, hit frappe, and poured out Wisdom for Mothers. The course structure doesn’t accomodate healthy debate or dissent and the text often reduces motherhood to lists of roles and duties and bullet points. (To be fair, a richer, more well-rounded discussion of the topic may be beyond the scope of the MotherWise mission to “embrace, educate and encourage.” For more, see: http://www.motherwise.org/.)

Structure

Divided into five two-week topical discussions with daily lessons, Wisdom begins with an Introduction, followed by Founding Your Life on God’s Word. The next two weeks explore a Woman’s Relationship with God followed by two weeks on A Wife’s Relationship with her Husband. Weeks seven and eight focus on A Mother’s Relationship with Her Children. Weeks nine and ten cover a Mother’s Relationship with Work and the World. Five homework lessons complete each week. Lessons include a prayer, fill-in-the-blank responses, and a Mothering Tip such as:

• “Your job as a mother is to be a trainer, not an entertainer!” – p. 39.

• When bombarded by requests for help from you church, children’s school and friends, “Tape a note on the phone that says, `Thanks for asking. I’ll check with my husband.’” – p. 74.

• “Settling on a bedtime that fits your child’s temperament, and your needs as a couple, can be a key to family harmony.” – p. 91.

• “The first step in submitting to your husband is to discover his goals” -followed by a list of interview questions – p. 108.

• An exercise to “list your strengths” – physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. “Ask God to show you exactly how to offer those strengths to your husband in a way that will bless him and bless the Lord.” – p.138.

• “Make yourself available when your child wants to talk… Drop what you are doing and listen.” – p. 218.

• “Make your home a place that creates a feeling of welcome for each family member. Light candles and have soft, soothing music playing…” – p. 227.

• “If you have to work to meet your family’s basic needs, you might consider an alternative to full-time work by working on a job-share or part-time basis. That way you can earn an income and still be able to spend time with your children.” (p. 234). Followed by a two-page discussion applying “The principle of submitting to our husbands… to our work,” beginning with “Does my husband want me to do this?” Each week also features Mothering Skills for group discussion. These include:

• How to have a quiet time – p. 31.
• Creating a Sabbath experience for the whole family - p. 49.
• Food for the whole family. “Use your kitchen table for dinner”; table manners, mealtime prayers, food prep, nutrition, etc. – p. 69 -70.
• Child Training. “Training is not an overnight event… it’s an ongoing process. Just choose one behavior to change at a time”, etc. - p. 97, 98.
• Romancing the Home – p. 123.
• How to have a family night without chaos – p. 157.
• Disciple Techniques – p. 187.
• Organizing My Family – p. 221.
• Ministry Tips – Learning to serve others – p. 243.

In the Beginning…

This study begins with Proverbs 31 and a list of “domestic duties performed by the woman in this passage” (p. 19). In A Wife’s Identity (p. 125) the author launches a somewhat tortured discussion of the concept of “marriage covenant” and roles of each partner. This “identity” is expanded to include the dual roles of wife and mother. This section (pp. 125-153) identifies a wife in terms of her:

• Ministry – p. 132 – 138.

• Service – p. 139 – 145.

• Communication – p. 146-150.

• Message – p. 151-153.

Meringue Filling?

While this prodigious resource has much to recommend it, alert readers may detect significant deficiencies. Chief among these are haphazard or questionable exegesis, incomplete or overly simplistic topical discussions, and a somewhat pedantic rehash of “the Proverbs 31 woman.” Glenn’s penchant for proof-texting, her sometimes slapdash approach to Scripture and a frequent violation of the historical-grammatical method of Biblical exegesis are problematic. Rather than allowing the Biblical text to speak for itself, for example, Glenn rips verses out of their historical-grammatical and thematic context or uses partial passages and verse fragments to support her points.  An example: Genesis 2:22.  Of this verse Glenn writes: “It (this verse) is worded to say that the woman IS THE RIB” (p. 129. Emphasis in original).

Why does Glenn make this claim? Credible Bible scholars are divided on this point. It should not be presented as settled dogma.  Apparently Glenn makes this claim because she needs a springboard to dive into her next point, the functions of a rib (p. 130): “What is a rib? What does a rib do? A rib protects the heart. … What does a wife do? She… protect(s) his (husband’s) heart.” And so on.

Isn’t that enlightening? To know that as a woman, you’re a rib?

Other cases of “you can’t get there from here” occur throughout. In her zeal to communicate Biblical truth, Glenn has an unfortunate habit of using inappropriate or badly chosen passages to do so. (Young Christians probably won’t notice, but women who are well-trained with keen eyes and agile minds should.) This habit, combined with source citations some consider on the rim edge of Christian orthodoxy (see p. 87 as well as the Bibliography on p. 267 for examples) may make Wisdom the hermeneutical equivalent of meringue filling: heavy on fluff, light on substance. Some examples:

• Using Genesis 24:7 and Romans 10:9-10 to “discover our covenant partner” (p. 114)
• Citing I Corinthians 11:7-9 “to review our role as wives” (p. 108). (The passage discusses propriety in worship, men and women, not the role of wives per se, and seems a poor choice as a primary passage on this topic.)
• Philippians 4:13 and Isaiah 40:31 as “symbolic of one covenant partner giving his strength to the other covenant partner” (p. 113).
• Citing the articles Jonathan gave to David in I Samuel 18:1-4 as an illustration of the concept of “covenant marriage” (p. 108-110) and explaining that: “In marriage, we put on our partner’s identity… Can you fully submit to `putting on’ your husband’s identity?” (p. 110, 11). This is followed by a prayer that includes: “Now because I am secure in Your love and in my identity in You, I choose to take on the identity of my husband.” (p. 111).

Per this last point, an alert reader may ask: Is Glenn urging wives to discard and/or disavow their individual identity in favor of their husband’s upon entering the “marriage covenant”? If marriage is a partnership between husband and wife in which “we put on our partner’s identity,” then what identity is a husband “putting on,” and how does he do that?

Glenn continues: “… I am grieved when I hear of young women who have kept their maiden names and refuse to accept their husband’s identity. They are refusing to submit to the covenant from the very beginning.”

Just three words here: Ruth Bell Graham.

Trite and Clichéd?

In addition to the above, some women may find Glenn’s formulaic approach to difficult issues accurate but presented in a trite or clichéd manner. One example may be the conclusion to The Blessings of Obedience: “The reward for your obedience will be life as it was meant to be lived and a friendship with God that contains more love and more joy than you can hold!” (p. 94).

(This is an interesting, accurate statement, but it’s incomplete and fluffy without the rest of the equation.  Glenn may do un- or new believers a disservice with this kind of “welcome to Easy Street” Christian commercial when she neglects to mention the flip side: the path to Christian maturity and spiritual depth is frequently marked by dying to self and suffering.  Seasoned saints observe that significant spiritual growth – as well as authentic joy - are often the bi-products of adversity.  See Matthew 10:38, 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23-25, 14:27, Philippians 3, etc.)

Another example of Glenn’s trite, formulaic approach is the application of “a four-part test” in Week Nine, A Mother’s Relationship with the World, (p. 219-239). This chapter includes a test for all of your activities (p. 223-224):

• Does it build your home and not tear it down?
• Can you do it in the name of Jesus?
• Does your husband approve of this activity?
• Can you stay under the person in authority over this activity without compromise?

Glenn lists the priorities of God, Husband, and Children as a means to evaluate whether or not to accept that next job offer – paid or volunteer. In A Step of Faith Glenn relates how her husband was laid off during her fifth year of teaching at a Christian school:

“When David was laid off, because of financial needs I thought there would be no way I would ever be able to quit work. But God unmistakably laid it on both of our hearts for me to resign my job and return home. That step of faith was a turning point in our lives. God did a major work in both our hearts concerning our finances and our faith in his provision for us. (By the way, God provided a great job for David soon after I resigned.”) (pp. 226-227)

While victory in every trial and tribulation can be ours in a spiritual, eternal sense, implicit in Glenn’s anecdote is the assumption that obedience and trust guarantee temporal bliss. (Low-income, single moms or women in countries where candid Christianity assures intense suffering may find Glenn’s assumption hard to swallow.  See comments above.)

Style and Specificity

Overall, Wisdom tries hard – perhaps too hard- to proffer a “one size fits all” approach to biblical mothering which some may find overly simplistic and annoying. Likewise, Wisdom’s “shotgun” and somewhat meandering style may appeal to some but turn off others.

While containing much practical advice and biblically sound principles, Wisdom for Mothers is significantly hampered by a lack of focus and specificity. This could be ameliorated if Wisdom was more clearly and intentionally marketed toward a specific demographic/target audience. Wisdom is geared for non, new, or young Christian women and shouldn’t be marketed otherwise.

Finally, some women find Glenn’s breezy, chatty teaching style appealing. Some don’t. It has been described as “charming, engaging, and warm” as well as “bubble-brained” and “lightweight.” The material itself has been deemed “insightful and inspirational” and “patronizing” “plodding,” and “boring.”

Main Criticism

The main criticism I heard from other women regarding Wisdom is that Glenn seems to teach and/or tacitly urge a woman to park her brain in neutral and jettison all intellectual pursuits and responsibilities the moment she says ”I do,” leaving all decisions and cerebral activities to her husband.  This rankled more than one woman in my group.

Get There From Here?

No Bible study or small group curricula will appeal to everyone, and Wisdom for Mothers is no exception.  Opinions on this material will vary and may reflect how well or how badly Wisdom is implemented at the local level. Regarding the study itself, some women will love it. Some won’t. New Christians or young marrieds may enjoy and benefit from Wisdom and the chance to connect with “mentor moms.” Seasoned moms and serious students of Scripture may be disappointed.

Wisdom for Mothers

Kardo International Ministries, 1997, 2004

ISBN: 1-932960-00-7

Our next Say What?! page features a review of the second MotherWise Bible study, Freedom for Mothers.

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For related discussions, see:

http://hevencense.wordpress.com/womens-ministry/nuggets-and-nudges/

http://hevencense.wordpress.com/2007/09/04/confessions-of-a-home-depot-dropout-part-2/

http://hevencense.wordpress.com/womens-ministry/why-i-dont-do-womens-ministries/

http://rockcriesout.blogspot.com/2005_02_01_archive.html

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McFriends returns next week following a three-week hiatus per the homegoing of Dr. Clyde Cook, president emeritus of our alma mater, and travel.  We’ll pick up where we left off at Chapter 25.

Future plans include a discussion on “biblical womanhood,” which (hopefully) isn’t as “canned” as it may sound!