What is “spiritual abuse”? Is it a matter of hyperbole, a figment of imagination? Does “spiritual abuse” exist, and if so, what is it? What is it not?
What is it?
One the most succinct definitions of “spiritual abuse” is offered by David Johnson an Jeff VanVonderen in The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse:
Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment (p. 20)
Spiritual abuse can occur in various settings and through various means. At its core, some assert, is disrespect. Johnson and VanVonderen explain:
When one person treats another in a way that damages them physically, we call that physical abuse. Damaging someone through emotional means is called emotional abuse. Brainwashing is a phrase that describes psychological abuse. Spiritual abuse occurs when someone is treated in a way that damages them spiritually. As a deeper result, their relationship with God – or that part of them that is capable of a having a relationship with God – becomes wounded or scarred. (p. 13)
It’s possible to become so determined to defend a spiritual place of authority, a doctrine or a way of doing things that you wound and abuse anyone who questions, or disagrees, or doesn’t ‘behave’ spiritually the way you want them to. When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person’s standing as a Christian- to gratify you, your position or your beliefs while at the same time weakening or harming another- that is spiritual abuse.
Real People. Real Damage.
Experts indicate that while spiritual abuse may not result in external evidence or damage, it can be every bit as devastating as physical abuse – perhaps moreso:
Spiritual abuse has a devastating effect on people. A very high level of trust is often placed in spiritual leaders. It is, and ought to be, expected that the trust will be honored and guarded. When such trust is violated the wound is very deep. Sometimes the wound is so deep that the wounded person cannot trust even a legitimate spiritual authority again. – David Henke, The Watchmen Expositor
The topic of “spiritual abuse” is a touchy one. It’s like the proverbial 400 pound gorilla in the living room.
The phenomenon of spiritual abuse may be thought to be associated commonly with cults. However, it has been argued that spiritually abusive practices are present in some mainstream religious churches and groups. The fact that people are in ignorance of it, or fail to acknowledge its existence, makes it very problematic for individuals who have experienced spiritual abuse first hand because they are unable to share their experiences with any degree of acceptance or understanding. For this reason it can be extremely difficult to identify abusive practices. – Tim & Lisa Oakley, S.A.F.E.
What it’s Not
By “spiritual abuse” we are NOT referring to instances of simple disagreements or differences of opinion. We’re not talking about perpetual malcontents who disagree with another person or their views, stomp off in a huff and label the experience “spiritual abuse.” Nor are we talking about professing Christians living in willful, wanton sin who are graciously, lovingly confronted, refuse to repent, and walk away spitting “toxic church” to all within earshot. We’re talking about “church contexts” or experiences such as those described by The Watchman Fellowship, a Texas-based Christian organization that provides resources on cults and new religious movements. The Watchman Fellowship has identified five hallmarks of abusive religious systems. They are:
Authoritarian: unconditional submission to leaders is expected.
Averse to criticism: the person who dissents becomes the problem rather than the issue being raised.
Image conscious: protecting the reputation of the leaders or church is more important than truth or justice.
Perfectionistic: individual worth is determined by performance; there is no compassion for weakness or failure.
Unbalanced: they will try to distinguish themselves from other groups by putting excessive emphasis on some minor point of theology.
Wikipedia notes that spiritual abuse “includes any of the following”:
- Psychological and emotional abuse
- Any act by deeds or words that demean, humiliate or shame the natural worth and dignity of a person as a human being
- Submission to spiritual authority without any right to disagree; intimidation
- Unreasonable control of a person’s basic right to make a choice on spiritual matters
- False accusation and repeated criticism by negatively labeling a person as disobedient, rebellious, lacking faith, demonized, apostate, enemy of the church or God
- Prevention from practicing faith
- Isolation or separation from family and friends due to religious affiliation
- Physical abuse that includes physical injury, deprivation of sustenance, and sexual abuse
- Exclusivity; dismissal of an outsider’s criticism and labeling an outsider as of the devil
- Withholding information and giving of information only to a selected few
- Conformity to a dangerous or unnatural religious view and practice
- Hostility that includes shunning (relational aggression, parental alienation) and persecution
Unquestioning Submission and Obedience
According to Steve Cadman-Neu, a Christian counsellor in Cambridge, the main trait related to spiritual abuse is a hierarchical structure that equates leadership with job title, and demands unquestioning submission and obedience from people lower down the organizational totem pole.
That whole framework is very abusive,” says Cadman-Neu, who has a BA in psychology from the University of Western Ontario and a masters in social work from Wilfrid Laurier University. “The message is that if you don’t submit and obey, you’re being a rebel, or argumentative, or undermining the organization.
If any of the above sounds familiar, you may have experienced spiritual abuse. Some sources cite pastoral bullying – “I’m the pastor, that’s why!” – and heavy-handed authoritarian structures that disallow or punish dissent as “abusive” as well. Others include leadership that attacks or maligns those who disagree with their views/values as “spiritual abusers.”
For the most part, spiritual abuse is committed by those who sincerely love Jesus, who believe the Bible to be the Word of God and who want to win lost souls for Jesus. Hence, spiritual abuse can often be found, as Ronald Enroth points out, in churches that are doctrinally sound, conservatively Christian, thoroughly Biblical, and zealously maintaining the fundamentals of the Faith….
Unfortunately, in witnessing for Jesus many evangelicals talk to people, not with people. It is impossible to truly talk with anyone about Jesus, or anything else for that matter, without knowing the other person. Authentic ministry is based upon knowing a person. There is no point in claiming that Jesus is the answer, when you have not heard the question. A physician who prescribes medicine without knowing the patient is likely to injure the patient. In like manner, evangelicals who try to minister without knowing the sheep in an empathic manner will most likely injure it.
… In the religious context, narcissists simply assume that what they think God thinks, and what they believe is Bible-based. They take it for granted that any idea that jumps into their heads is from the Holy Spirit and that they are only following the promptings of the Holy Spirit whenever they decide to do anything. The fact that other people may see their words as being less than holy, their motives as being less than pure, and their actions as being hurtful and injurious never occurs to them. When you believe that you are right and righteous, then all that you say and do is right and righteous. Any thought to the contrary never enters the picture.
… Abusive Christians in abusive church fellowships generally exhibit dichotomous (either-or) thinking patterns. With them everything is black/white, this/that, either/or, us/them, good/bad, etc. There are never any weeds among the wheat. When something is good it is all good; when something is bad it is all bad. Of course, dichotomous thinking Christians put themselves in the all-good camp, while others who may not agree with them on some minute detail of theology or Bible interpretation are in the all-bad camp.
With abusive Christians there are no ambiguities, no unanswered questions, no gray areas, no doubts. … They are right, others are wrong; they are spiritual, others are not; they truly believe the Scriptures, others do not; they are thoroughly committed to Jesus, others are not; etc., etc. To disagree with them is to disagree with God. They are, of course, the final judge and jury of what the Bible says, regardless of subject matter. They have the exact interpretation of any given particular Scripture text; any other nuance or shade of meaning is considered heresy. Dichotomous thinking Christians believe they have everything all figured out (when they do not) and that they have everything properly classified and labeled, which is often not the case. They have the definitive Bible-based answer for every question, even when they have not understood the question.
- Major Scott Nicloy, Miscem.org
This sort of behavior is also known as “power posturing.” Writes Uza Mahar of innervention:
Power posturing… means that leaders spend a lot of time focused on their own authority and reminding others of it, as well. This is necessary because their spiritual authority isn’t real-based on genuine godly character-it is postured. …
There are spiritual systems in which the members are there to meet the needs of the leader. These leaders attempt to find fulfillment through the religious performance of the very people whom they are there to serve and build. It is spiritual abuse.”
When confronted, spiritual abusers may respond by obfuscating, stonewalling, or shifting blame. Common tactics include shifting blame to the abused person, character assasination, dis-fellowshipping, shunning, and so on. Abusers often attempt to shame, threaten or intimidate their victims into silence or isolation. Like other abusers, spiritual abusers attempt to blame the victim for their abusive behavior.
(Spiritual abuse) Can occur under virtually any organizational structure, but “top down” hierarchical structures are especially well suited to systemic spiritual abuse. – David Henke
All forms of spiritual abuse inevitably lead back to the one who is the abuser; and most often it is the leader of the spiritual group. Authoritarian abuse can simply be defined as a misuse and over emphasis on authority. Many abusive systems claims they are ‘led by God’ and therefore justify their ‘abusive behavior’ by saying they are ‘God’s leaders,’ etc. Abusive leaders damage people in countless ways. – Chris Lawson, Spiritual Resource Network.
The most distinctive characteristic of a spiritually abusive religious system, or leader, is the over-emphasis on authority. Because a group claims to have been established by God Himself the leaders in this system claim the right to command their followers. – David Henke, The Watchmen Expositor
Help Available
If you’ve experienced spiritual abuse, how do you recover, heal, and move on in the freedom and grace of God? Help is available. Suggest Johnson and VanVonderen (p. 232):
- You may have internal issues for which you need help and support, whether you leave or stay in your preent spiritual system. Take care of yourself. It is all right to get help.
- If… you decide to leave the system because it is too abusive, your life will lighten up… Find out how you got abused in the first place. And find relationships in which it is safe to heal from the wounds of the abuse.
- Listen to God and do what He tells you. If you are a victim of spiritual abuse, this may be very hard. You have been taught to let everyone else speak for God, and you have been punished for trying to hear from God yourself. … (But) He will never leave you or forsake you. Listen to God.
- When you experience spiritual abuse, find your own friends who understand and tell them about it. Get some support. (Acts 4:29-30.)
You may also want to check out the following resources. (Note: Listing does not necessarily imply endorsement. Use your own judgment and always rely on the Scriptures as your final arbiter in all matters of faith and practice.)
Web sites:
Characteristics/Rules of a Toxic Faith System (Based on a review of Arterburn and Felton’s book, Toxic Faith. See below.)
Solving the Hebrews 13:17 Dilemma
Books:
The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse, by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen, Bethany House Publishers. Excellent help for recognizing and escaping spiritual manipulation and false spiritual authority within the Church. 235 pages-$10.
Faith That Hurts, Faith That Heals, by Stephen Arterburn, and Jack Felton, Thomas Nelson Publishers. Very thorough treatment, analyzes beliefs that make harmful faith, religious addiction, etc. as well as treatment and recovery, and the characteristics of healthy faith. 320 pages-$11.
Breaking Free, by David R. Miller, Baker Book House. Speaking first-hand from the experiences of his own family, Miller penetrates virtually every nuance of legalism and its insidious effects on individual and family life. 176 pages-$10.
Wisdom Hunter, by Randall Arthur, Multnomah Press. Taut, fast-paced thriller presents a powerful message about the damage caused by Christian legalism. 323 pages-$10.
Broken Hearts – Shattered Trust, by Dr. John K. Setser, Barnabas Group. Identifies causes of spiritual abuse while compassionately embracing both sinner and sinned against. Excellent discussion on what “forgiveness” is and isn’t. 142 pages.
Churches That Abuse, by Ronald Enroth, Zondervan. Providing real-life examples throughout, Enroth probes every corner of the abusive church. He also provides help to find the way out, and back to God’s healing. 253 pages, endnotes-$6.
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We’ll revisit this topic in early 2010.
I TOO still would rightfully rather see pastor first live a sermon instead of too often now merely preach it to others and I really do think it is so farcical how some sinfully, proud evangelical pastors are ready to condemn others, to gossip about, to now preach about the other person’s sins but someone how they can’t seem to deal with their own false abuse of others, their own sins, and their own false pride.. http://postedat.wordpress.com/2009/08/31/get-real-now/
(Prov 27:2 KJV) Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.
(1 Cor 14:33 KJV) For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
(James 3:16 KJV) For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
http://postedat.wordpress.com/2009/08/23/to-the-bad-preacher/